Eschatology for Modern Living

Living in the Age of the Real-Estate-Pesonal-Ad

We live in strange days surrounded by stranger people. Otherwise classified ads like the one above (which actually appeared in a real newspaper in California) would never appear. Ads like the one above are mostly harmless, probably posted by some poor fucker who later wandered into the desert with a head full of peyote and died of exposure. But you know we as a society are in grave fucking peril when news stories like this one come over the wire:

Deven Trabosh.PALM BEACH GARDENS, Fla. — She’s tried night clubs and online dating sites, but now a 42-year-old single mother is looking for love where everyone else’s heart is breaking — the real-estate market.

After a year of trying to sell her four-bedroom home and eight years of singledom, Deven Trabosh is offering her South Florida home and a shot at marrying her on the Internet.

“I figured let’s combine the ad because I’m looking for love and I’m looking to sell the house,” said Trabosh, a Barbie-esque blonde who teeters around the nearly 2,000 square-foot house in patent-leather heels.

“Marry a Princess Lost in America,” Trabosh wrote in the ads she posted on eBay and Craigslist last week. She describes a life of romance and travel and a home decorated with vaulted ceilings, upgraded tile and a soaking tub in a gated community with a pool and tennis courts.

Trabosh, a licensed real-estate agent who hasn’t practiced in years, knew she would struggle to sell the home in the troubled real-estate market, but insists her fairy-tale ad isn’t just a sales gimmick.

“I’m struggling … I don’t want to lose my house, and I want to find somebody,” said Trabosh, who changed her name in the ad to Traboscia to keep people from finding her in the phone book. “So I came up with this dream plan because I’ve always dreamt about being a fairy-tale princess.”

She listed the home for $340,000 on a sell-it-yourself Web site, but upped the price, adding a $500,000 shipping fee to include her companionship on eBay.

Trabosh says eBay removed her ad, though she planned to change the wording and re-post it. Under the site’s prohibited services policy, eBay does not allow the sale of human beings, body parts or relationships, spokeswoman Catherine England said Friday.

Trabosh hasn’t received any serious offers, but says she’s had nearly 500 responses, mostly positive. She’s gotten criticism too. Her 21-year-old daughter, Haley, says she just wants her mom to find love, but her 14-year-old daughter says her mother is embarrassing her.

Copyright © 2008 The Seattle Times Company

Are you fucking kidding me?! Come on, America! This is serious! You have to pull your heads out of your collective asses, or we are all in bad trouble!

Okay, sorry I shouted… I didn’t mean to take it out on you, Dear Constant Readers. It’s just that sometimes I read about or see real things really happening in the real world, and it all feels too much like a bad acid flashback for me to remain calm and rational. When we live in a world where 500 people will respond to a desperately lonely and disturbed woman like Trabosh before eBay can even remove her ad from the internet, things are just bad wrong.

I sometimes ask myself if this many people are really this dumb, and then I just watch this clip again and I’m reminded that we as a country really are chalk full of retards, airheads, shitheads and dumbasses:

God bless South Carolina, home of a thousand ‘tards. And God bless America.

Anyway, I hope that Trabosh twat is happy with the love she finds in the real estate section of eBay. Because as we all know, love can only be found by getting to know good people. And if there aren’t good people in nightclubs, where can you find them, America?

Oh yeah. On eBay, house shopping. Or in an opium den, where I’ll be for the next couple days. Jesus Christ…

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