Eschatology for Modern Living

H.J. Herrick Addresses Some Criticisms from a Traditional Gothic Heavy Metal Doom Rock Musician, and so on…

bwcrushomeI would like to address a comment left in response to my previous post by an idiotic ideologue (just click here to email the moron if you wish). The comment was left by one Sidney Allen Johnson (pictured at left; and no, I’m not kidding), who is the sole member of a band called the Babylon Mystery Orchestra. This “group” is self-described as “a blend of Gothic and Traditional Rock music with elements of Heavy Metal and Doom that produce that elusive result that so many artists strive for and so few achieve.” What would that be? Total shit?

Anyway, this Sidney dude’s Babylon Mystery Orchestra homepage proudly proclaims that he is personally at war with Muslims, Socialists, and a fictional secret society called the Illuminati. I know you probably think I’m just dreaming this up, but its all there in black and white (literally) on his web page. Just look for yourself. In any case, I will respectfully reprint Mr. Johnson’s argument in its entirety here:

“Two landslides for Bill Clinton? How did someone who did not get 50% of the vote either time suddenly qualify as a landslide winner? He benefited from third party candidates, without which he would never have been elected. Your attempt to rewrite history in your own image is laughable. You must have a college education. No one could have such a fantastically imagined, and distorted, view of the world without some coaching. Its always good to see someone on the ‘tolerant’ left rejoicing in the suggestion of the death of others…you’ll make a fine Muslim some day.

His message begins and you’re thinking, “Okay, he’s not that smart but he’s not totally insane,” but then the thing about me being a death-hungry Muslim arrives and you of course must conclude he is a racist asshole. Let me defend my position point by point…

First, I’ll point out that both of Bill Clinton‘s Presidential Elections (1992 and 1996) were landslide victories in this way if nothing else: both victories achieved a number of electoral votes which are widely considered to be landslide electoral college victories. Just click here to see a definition of “landslide victory” in which Bill Clinton and Barack Obama are specifically mentioned because of their wide electoral college victories. Yes, Bill Clinton’s popular vote left something to be desired because of Ross Perot, but you must still remember that he maintained a six to nine percent margin of victory over his nearest trailing opponent in both elections. Not to mention, in 1996 Clinton did win half of the popular vote (well, within one percent) and the rest was split between his two opponents. Dole, his nearest competitor was about ten percent behind in the popular vote. If 1996 isn’t then a popular vote landslide as well, I don’t know what is.

perotSecond, I’ll refute Mr. Johnson’s claim that Clinton wouldn’t have won without third party candidates stealing votes from George H.W. Bush and Bob Dole: People always blame Ross Perot (pictured at right) for taking votes away from George H.W. Bush and Bob Dole, but I really doubt those sad twisted people that voted for Perot ever would have shown up at the voting booth if the crazy Texan hadn’t been running. Besides, even if Perot did take votes away from Bush and Dole, he certainly took as many away from Clinton both times. After all, Perot may have supported economic Protectionism and opposed gun control, but he also supported a woman’s right to choose and the Environmental Protection Agency. He likely lured hesitant Clinton voters away as much as hesitant Bush and Dole voters. If you split the votes that went for Perot between Clinton and his opponents, he would have had popular vote wins by 53% to 46% and 54% to 44% in 1992 and 1996, respectively. That leads into Obama’s 53% to 46% victory nicely, I think. And just compare those numbers to Ronald Reagan‘s 1984 historic landslide victory, in which he won 58% of the popular vote against Walter Mondale‘s 40%. Riddle me this, Mr. Sidney Allen Johnson: at what point between Reagan’s “crushing” 58% and Clinton’s (adjusted) 54% or Obama’s (unadjusted) 53% does the popular vote stop being a landslide? Is Reagan’s lead over the others of four to eight percent (depending on how you look at it) really so much better?

Third, I’ll bring into question whether I am re-writing history: How the fuck is repeating a fact from a textbook definition in an encyclopedia entry re-writing fucking history? Landslide fucking victories are generally decided by a (approximately) ten percent margin of victory or more in a popular vote or a 65% or better electoral college victory. All three of the elections of Bill Clinton and Barack Obama fall into the low end of that category (as does George H.W. Bush’s first election to the Presidency, by the way). No, they are not the same kind of landslide enjoyed by a Ronald Reagan or a Franklin D. Roosevelt, but they are still pretty fucking big victories. By the way, I would like to note that more people voted for Barack Obama in 2008 (65,098,323) than did for Ronald Reagan in 1984 (54,455,075). In fact, more people voted for Barack Obama than for any other Presidential candidate in U.S. history. Deny that, you Doom Metal loving son of a bitch!

illuminati-haende-grFourth, I will confirm that I have a college education: Yes, I do have a college education. That’s how and why I can and do choose to think, learn and grow as a human being instead of declaring war on Islam and mythical secret societies (pictured; and no, once again, I am not making this up). I can only guess that the bitter scorn with which Mr. Johnson accused me of possessing a college degree (in fact, I have a B.A. and a Masters degree) indicates that he is not college educated. Yet again I seem to be confronted by the kind of person who laughs at the idea of learning anything beyond high school, and in the same breath manages to demonstrate their profound ignorance and bigotry, which brings me to my last point…

Fifth, I will deduce that Sidney Allen Johnson is a fucking racist prick and that he is in fact guilty of his own accusations of reality distortion. In the penultimate sentence of his comment, Johnson said, “Its always good to see someone on the ‘tolerant’ left rejoicing in the suggestion of the death of others…” First of all, I don’t ever recall describing myself as on the tolerant left, only on the left. Second of all, I wasn’t rejoicing at the suggestion of the death of others; I was rejoicing at the death of the ultra right wing foothold on power in America. And if I suggested that, “At least for the next four years, we can tell lunatic fringe right-wing conservatives to fuck off, eat shit and – most importantly – die,” as I did at the conclusion of my previous post, I hardly think I should have to feel bad about it.

trouble_on_the_right_wingWhy would anyone care if members of the lunatic fringe right wing conservative movement (pictured on the right, of course) died? Would the world be so much more terrible without Pat Robertson praying on national television for Supreme Court Justices to die? Would the world be so much worse without George Bush and his cronies fucking up relations with the entire planet except England and destroying our homeland? Would the world really be so much worse off if we didn’t have people like you, Sidney Allen Johnson, declaring war on an entire religion because you don’t understand that the actions of a few terrorists on 9/11 can’t be used to judge all Muslims any more than the outrageous actions and words of people like Jerry Falwell can be used to judge more reasonable and – yes – tolerant Christians like Barack Obama. I would also point out that Democrats and Liberals can’t be blamed for the things I say just because I agree with them most of the time.

I do not want reasonable and good people whom I disagree with to die, Mr. Johnson. I just want people like John McCain, Sarah Palin, Ted Stevens, George Bush, Karl Rove, Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity, you and all the rest to go far far away from me and the rest of the human race, because its lunatic fringe losers like you who leave the world a worse place than you found it. At least Muslims invented the first windmill in the 7th century, founded the first degree-issuing university in the 9th century and invented suntan lotion in the tenth century. That beats out Catholics. All they ever invented was guilt.

In Other News, H.J. Herrick Issues a Correction: Herrick’s Projections More Accurate than Previously Projected

Well, I was so right once again that my righteousness exceeded even my own expectations: it turns out my electoral vote count projection of November 5th was incorrect by one vote. Of course, Obama did even one vote better than I expected. As of today, the final electoral vote count is Obama 365, McCain 173.

1569234-welcome_to_nebraska-nebraskaHow could this have happened, you ask? Well, I’ll tell you: I called Nebraska (with the exception of three outstanding Obama counties: Saline, Lancaster and Thurston) for McCain, as did every other reputable news outlet on the planet (for once, I’m was in line with them). Then I called Missouri and North Carolina for McCain and Obama, respectively. It turns out I was right about those.

We know now that everyone was a little bit wrong about Nebraska. Lo and behold, Nebraska is one of two states (along with Maine) that does its electoral votes on a county by county basis instead of the usual winner-take-all method that most states use. This means that if enough counties vote for the minority candidate in Nebraska, the state can split its electoral votes between the two. Turns out some outstanding ballots in Douglas County, Nebraska got counted late and tipped the scales in favor of Obama there. This will cause Nebraska to cast one of its five electoral votes for Barack Obama, increasing his final vote count from 364, as I predicted, to 365.

Way to go, Nebraska. Keep living “the good life,” whatever the fuck that would mean in Nebraska.

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